i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
