I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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