I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
