I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize