Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
