Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
