I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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