I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
