Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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