listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
