If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We need to get me chipped asap
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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