So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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