apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
