if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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