he puts the penis in happiness.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
