TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
