i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
