so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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