He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
birth control should be required to get into college
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
