tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You ruined the universe
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
