Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
