I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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