ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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