Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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