Are we in a gay sports bar?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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