i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
