My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
two words: eviction party
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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