you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
