i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
