I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
