im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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