don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
