Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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