my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
