I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Found the puke drawer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
