Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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