Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
