Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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