His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
