It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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