my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just blew my weed a kiss
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
