Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
