listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
