God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
