Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
