giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
