im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
