Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
