And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
