Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
