Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
