we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
