Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
