When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
