Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize