I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
