Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
