Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize