My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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