dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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