why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
