I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
