I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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