if only i could text you this smell
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
