wakey wakey hands off snakey
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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