Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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