i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
