i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
