3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize