if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
