You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
