He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
