I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
