Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
