Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
