Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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